We’ve all been there—whether it’s asking someone out, seeking your boss’s approval for a plan, or requesting more time to finish a report. There are countless moments in our lives when we desperately want to hear a ‘YES’. But when we anticipate a ‘No’, especially from someone who intimidates us, it can weigh heavily on our minds.
Today, I’m here to share some tips on how to turn that ‘No’ into a ‘YES’. Facing these situations with the right approach can free your mind and improve your chances of success🪽.
- Three Fundamental Rules to Follow to Get a ‘YES’.
- Five Techniques to Change the Answer You Receive.
- Summary: Practice Saying ‘I Love You’—or Try Asking for an Extension on That Deadline!
Three fundamental rules to follow to get ‘YES’.
Simply stating your desire doesn’t always work (though it might have when we were kids). It’s time to upgrade your approach!
Here are three key steps to keep in mind:
- Don’t Just State Your Desire.
- Consider the Other Person’s Benefits.
- Align Your Benefit with Theirs.
Suppose you want to ask someone out. What should you do? Let’s follow the three steps mentioned above. First, don’t directly ask for a date out of the blue. Instead, think about what’s in it for them—what could be their reason for saying ‘Yes’? Doing a little research on what they like can be very helpful. For instance, if you find out that they’ve recently developed a liking for Margherita pizza, your next step is to find a great place that serves it.
Finally, align your desire with theirs. You want to go on a date; they want to try some amazing Margherita pizza. You could say something like, ‘I know a restaurant that serves mind-blowingly delicious Margherita pizza. How about we go together?’ With this strategy, you’re much more likely to get that ‘Yes’😉
Five Techniques to Turn a ‘No’ into a ‘Yes’
Here are five tips to help you change the answer you get or create a better impression, even when delivering negative news.
- Use Positive Language
- Help Them Avoid Something Unpleasant
- Offer Two Options
- Show Appreciation and Approval
- Do It Together
Use Positive Language
Imagine you’re working at a fast-food restaurant. You have to tell a customer who looks a bit intimidating that their hamburger, which is usually served immediately, will take five minutes to prepare during a busy weekday lunch. How would you say it?
Instead, you could phrase it in a way that emphasizes the benefit to the customer. For example:
Could you please wait five minutes?
We’re preparing a freshly cooked hamburger just for you.
This way, the customer focuses on getting a better burger by waiting, rather than being frustrated about the wait.
When you need to deliver bad news, try framing it positively. Shift the focus from “waiting five minutes” to “enjoying a freshly made hamburger🍔!”
Help Them Avoid Something Unpleasant
Imagine you’re a gardener in a park. You’ve just planted new grass, and you don’t want people to walk on it because it’s still fragile. What would you write on a sign?
Here let’s use a technique to use something they don’t like. For example,
Please don’t step on the grass—the scent of herbicide might cling to your clothes
Most people don’t want to smell like herbicide, so they’ll be more likely to stay off the grass. This technique uses something people want to avoid 🌿
Offer Two Options
When you ask, “What do you want to eat tonight?” you might get a lot of options: pasta, Chinese, Mexican, burgers… It can be overwhelming to decide, especially in the evening after a long day. Did you know that we make about 35,000 decisions per day (Vohs KD et al., 2008). That’s a lot of decision-making fatigue!
To make it easier and guide the answer toward what you want, try offering two options instead of an open question. For example, if you’re a salesperson trying to help a customer choose clothing:
Yes, that’s common, but you could also say:
Are you looking for a T-shirt or trousers today?
This helps the customer start thinking about what they want to buy and reduces the chance they’ll leave without purchasing anything. You can continue with more two-option questions to help narrow down their choice: “Do you prefer warm colors or cool colors?” “Simple or fancy style?” “Loose fit or tight fit?” Voilà! Your customer is now in the mood to make a purchase.
Show Appreciation and Approval
Imagine you’re the boss of a group project, and you need one of your team members to write a proposal by Friday. Today is Tuesday, and everyone is busy. How would you ask them to do it?
The key to asking someone to do a task they don’t want to do is to appreciate and approve. In this case, you could say:
Thank you so much for your last proposal—it was outstanding! Upper management, including the CEO, was really impressed, and they’ve been talking about your work. They’re eager to see your next proposal. Could you have it ready by Friday?
If you just ask them to write the proposal by Friday, they might not be motivated, and the quality might suffer. But if you show appreciation and approval, they’ll be more motivated and likely produce great work.
Do It Together!
Suppose you’re a parent, and you want your children to learn how to clean their room by themselves. However, they’re playful and hard to persuade. How would you convince them?
Just like adults, kids don’t like being forced to do something. Instead of ordering them to clean their room, you could say:
Let’s clean the room together!
Doing it together is a much better strategy than giving orders. Once the room is clean, you can shower them with praise and give them a big hug 👐!
Summary: Practice Saying ‘I Love You ❤️’
—Or Asking Your Boss to Postpone a Deadline
Case 1: Asking Someone Out and Saying ‘I Love You’ ❤️
➡️Technique 4: Show Appreciation and Approval
➡️Technique 2: Help Them Avoid Something Unpleasant
➡️Technique 5: Do It Together
➡️Technique 3: Offer Two Options
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️After the Date❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Case 2: Asking Your Boss to Postpone a Deadline
➡️Technique 4: Show Appreciation and Approval
➡️Technique 1: Use Positive Language
➡️Technique 2: Help Them Avoid Something Unpleasant
➡️Technique 3: Offer Two Options
➡️Technique 5: Do It Together
Further Reading:
If you’re interested in diving deeper into effective communication techniques, I highly recommend the book “伝え方が9割” by 佐々木 圭一. This book provides invaluable insights into the art of conveying your message in a way that resonates with others, helping you to master the skills necessary to turn a ‘No’ into a ‘Yes’ in various aspects of life.
